An adorable toddler, her tutu-style bathing suit covering her swim diaper, kept falling over like a drunken sailor. The enthusiastic waves crashed, then washed up the sand to her chubby little feet, knocking her down. She giggled every time, but her mother had a different reaction. The “Karen” grabbed her daughter’s hand and marched over to my station. She shaded her face from the sun with her hand as she looked up my ladder, ignoring the child’s whines to go back to the water, and pointed her finger up at me. “This is completely unsafe,” she hollered. “These waves are too strong and keep knocking my daughter down. You need to do something about it now!” I would have been dumbfounded, but it wasn’t the first time someone had demanded I turn the waves down. Yup, another written complaint about me being dismissive and unconcerned about safety would be on its way to the city in no time.

There was no shortage of idiots on the beach. I’ve been scolded for staring at children in the water, though keeping an I on them while they swim is literally my job. I’ve been yelled at for my whistle being too loud, stressing out someone’s kid. Blowing the whistle prevented that kid from a potential drowning in a rip current. I’ve been reported for bad customer service when a family asked me to watch their beach blanket while they took a walk – which, of course, would have taken my eyes off the swimmers. I’ve even been cussed out after someone swallowed ocean water. They were angry that it tasted too salty.

I thought becoming a lifeguard would perfect my tan, give my long locks some natural highlights, and make me popular with the opposite sex. But I can’t wait for summer to be over.